My Portion Forever

Today was one of those days when I ended up repeating to myself over and over again "The Lord is my strength and my portion forever". It might of had something to do with the fact that I spent most of the day christmas shopping and dealing with crowds and lines, which is never much fun. Fairly sure that's not really the case though. I've been going through this cycle lately that mostly looks like this: stable, unstable, train wreck, stable, semi-stable, meltdown. Thankfully, those train wreck and melt down moments are few and far in between... I am blessed to be surrounded by such wise counsel and incredible love! As I lay here reflecting on where my thoughts have been throughout the day I realize why this part of this verse kept coming back me. I started to focus on the word portion. I started to feel the weight of making such a statement, that God is my portion forever. The image I instantly got was related to food. This may sound a little strange, it does even to me! In this sense, I was thinking about how the portion of nourishment our bodies receive sustain us and fulfill us. We can't live without it. It keeps us vibrant, energetic, healthy... alive. I always have struggled with the sufficiency of Christ, wanting to find fulfillment in more tangible means. This is an area that God works quite severely with me because it is far from being second nature to me. It's more like 732nd nature to me ( if that makes any sense), which I also think is giving myself way too much credit. There are moments when I think I'm getting the hang of it and then I say, God but I want this, and need that, and don't forget about these dreams and those desires!! oh, such a finite mind I have!! Why I grapple with the fact that God knows all, God is good in all he does I do not know. The fact remains that he does know and he is good! In more ways than I deserve!

After moving away from the food related image in my head I looked up the word portion ( i know that sounds silly but i love looking up words, even the simple ones). All the definitions were just like I imagined dealing with the amount of something and piece of something. I then came to one of the last definitions given and it said, "A person's future as allotted by fate; ones destiny or lot". This is way better than my food image I had when I thought of the word. I may be a simpleton, but I had never thought of this word in this way. This took my thoughts even further than earlier because it reminded me why Christ is sufficient for me. I believe in a risen Savior! He sustains me and fulfills me with a love and hope that surpasses all things. I am cradled in his comforting truths and promises. I am guided by his teaching and wisdom. I am a member of the body of Christ, the called out ones, thriving and fighting to become more like christ everyday and even when I fall short and stumble, there is God with his strong hand demanding repentance and granting forgiveness. Absolutely brilliant. He and he alone is my portion. Forever.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on the earth that I desire but you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73: 25-26