My Portion Forever

Today was one of those days when I ended up repeating to myself over and over again "The Lord is my strength and my portion forever". It might of had something to do with the fact that I spent most of the day christmas shopping and dealing with crowds and lines, which is never much fun. Fairly sure that's not really the case though. I've been going through this cycle lately that mostly looks like this: stable, unstable, train wreck, stable, semi-stable, meltdown. Thankfully, those train wreck and melt down moments are few and far in between... I am blessed to be surrounded by such wise counsel and incredible love! As I lay here reflecting on where my thoughts have been throughout the day I realize why this part of this verse kept coming back me. I started to focus on the word portion. I started to feel the weight of making such a statement, that God is my portion forever. The image I instantly got was related to food. This may sound a little strange, it does even to me! In this sense, I was thinking about how the portion of nourishment our bodies receive sustain us and fulfill us. We can't live without it. It keeps us vibrant, energetic, healthy... alive. I always have struggled with the sufficiency of Christ, wanting to find fulfillment in more tangible means. This is an area that God works quite severely with me because it is far from being second nature to me. It's more like 732nd nature to me ( if that makes any sense), which I also think is giving myself way too much credit. There are moments when I think I'm getting the hang of it and then I say, God but I want this, and need that, and don't forget about these dreams and those desires!! oh, such a finite mind I have!! Why I grapple with the fact that God knows all, God is good in all he does I do not know. The fact remains that he does know and he is good! In more ways than I deserve!

After moving away from the food related image in my head I looked up the word portion ( i know that sounds silly but i love looking up words, even the simple ones). All the definitions were just like I imagined dealing with the amount of something and piece of something. I then came to one of the last definitions given and it said, "A person's future as allotted by fate; ones destiny or lot". This is way better than my food image I had when I thought of the word. I may be a simpleton, but I had never thought of this word in this way. This took my thoughts even further than earlier because it reminded me why Christ is sufficient for me. I believe in a risen Savior! He sustains me and fulfills me with a love and hope that surpasses all things. I am cradled in his comforting truths and promises. I am guided by his teaching and wisdom. I am a member of the body of Christ, the called out ones, thriving and fighting to become more like christ everyday and even when I fall short and stumble, there is God with his strong hand demanding repentance and granting forgiveness. Absolutely brilliant. He and he alone is my portion. Forever.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on the earth that I desire but you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73: 25-26

... As I live says the Lord!

This is written about the book of Ruth. This could not have come at a more perfect time for me. And I will savor and delight in the beauty of being held in the hands of an all knowing and all loving God... wherever that may lead. Blown away.

The life of the godly is not a straight line to glory, but they do get there. The life of the godly is not an Interstate through Nebraska, but a state road through the Blue Ridge Mountains of Tennessee. There are rock slides and precipices and dark mists and bears and slippery curves and hairpin turns that make you go backwards in order to go forwards. But all along this hazardous, twisted road that doesn't let you see very far ahead there are frequent signs that say, "The best is yet to come." And at the bottom right corner written with an unmistakable hand are the words, "As I live, says the Lord!"
-John Piper

"Without a why or wherefore"

I stole this from Sam Hauser's blog. You should check it out, i'm excited to see the things that come out of her new blog! Hope you don't mind the re-post Sam!

Women wish to be loved without a why or a wherefore; not because they are pretty, or good, or well-bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves.”
- Henry Frederic Amiel

sisters, sisters

I absolutely love this scene from White Christmas. My sister and I are always singing this song, except we don't know all the words so we just end up humming and laughing. So I dedicate this to my sister Brenda. I chose this version cause my sister and I could never be quite so graceful as the ladies in the movie... like ever. And we would definitely hit each other with large fans of feathers if we ever had them, just like they do in this video. love you sister face.

Patience? um... ok.

These past couple of weeks have been very turbulent for me. I have had to confront things that I do not understand. I have been on a constant cycle between anger and sadness and there seems to be no end in sight. Although that sounds so hopeless, it is far from how I feel about where I am at. In light of my situations and circumstances I am desperately seeking what truths God is reinforcing within me. Here is the clencher... it's patience. Oh to be patient when you want to act out on emotions and reactions. This concept of love has been prevalent in the things I have been learning. It is the undercurrent for everything and this time it carries the teaching of patience. So here I have been trying to understand how this all ties in, learning how to embrace it and not just for my peace of mind but for something bigger, more significant, something that actually has everything to do with Christ. My pastor said this, "The admonition for good behavior is not to escape persecution and not for an esteem boost but for a greater purpose."

Titus 3 has really driven this home for me this past week and a half. It focuses a lot on behavior, how we are to respond and react to people around us."Speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people." (vs. 2) Everyone of those examples are hard, especially when volatile emotions are involved. But there they are, in plain black and white... how can I do that? First, we are reminded of who and what we were before Christ, "For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating everyone." (vs. 3) Oh, but there is deep beauty in scripture because it goes on, not to tell you how, but why you should act the way verse 2 described. "But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he SAVED US, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Sprit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according the hope of eternal life." (vs.4)

Verse 4 is why we should act this way and it guides us into action. This is the reason we are able to show compassion and mercy and forgiveness and love. It is because these things have been richly poured out on us. How can we not be moved by something of such epic proportions? And something of such epic proportions will undoubtedly have some side effects.They will look like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self- control. This scripture reminds us of who we were and of the salvation that we were granted in that state. I have been granted salvation and hope! I love the word hope. I cling to it with a ferocious grip. It is what drives me to act in patience and gentleness and self- control especially when things feel out of control around me. I am far from doing this perfectly or well even, especially with patience, it requires a lot of silence at times and that is very difficult! Whatever the end result of situations and circumstances and the things I must endure, God is my refuge. I pray that we as believers, as those who claim that Jesus has reign in our lives, that we are producing evidence of what we've been granted to those around us, in every aspect of our lives. For me, it must be in patience. And you? What is it for you?